date:Saturday, March 08, 2008
time:11:07 PM
title:
I saw you cry because of him.. and it strike me so hard. I stood there stunned. I never ever thought this would happen. Yeah, I envy others. Maybe the grass looks greener on the other side, maybe people just don't talk about these kind of things. Maybe.. I'm just paranoid. I'm sure you would be if you knew that there's a possibility of someone leaving you for good.
I don't hate you. Somehow, I blame myself for the cause of it. Yes, I know you said I mean the world to you..
I have such a major problem yet I can't tell anyone. I can't find the words to express how I feel. I can't even tell my best friends. I want them to know.. But, I just feel like dying whenever I think of it. I can't tell Daryl because, I'll end up bursting into tears. I can't even pray.. because I don't know what to pray for. I'm so confused to what is happening. Yes, I'm only 16 and I wish now.. then I was back at 3. I don't wanna feel this aching pain in my heart. I don't want this to affect my studies. I don't wanna cry myself to sleep because of all these. I want us to be fine. I want you to be happy. But you said, you hate the sight of her. I don't know whether to believe you or her. Caught in the middle.. with my heart tearing to pieces. I never saw her cry. and I never thought you would feel this way. I never thought this would happen to me. And I never thought of my surname.
I feel so broken up, I feel like giving up. It could be an obstacle. It could just be a minor problem and that I'm thinking too much. But, how can she lose 7kg? Not sleeping well enough, not eating. Crying herself to sleep every night?
I wonder.. What would happen in 4 years time.. and I wonder, will you ever forgive her for everything? I wonder.. Will I hate you in future? Would I love you so much that it turns all to hatred?
I'm fine. Don't ask me about this.
Nicole and Nessa, I need to tell you this.. But I really can't and I don't know how to. I can't start because I don't know where to. I can't think of the words to say, I can't think of what (s)he said because every time I do, I cry.
